The Cost of Being Clever
Thursday, November 09, 2006
  After School Hatred.
Things used to be so simple. The nerds were picked on by the cool kids and subjugated to exile in the corner of the classroom. But when testing day came, every one of the social elite had their eyes trained on the nerds' test papers. But somewhere along the line, that changed. Suddenly, college has shattered that axiom.

Across campuses nationwide, students are shoveling milligrams of Adderall into their systems in order to improve their GPA. And as a jaded Know-it-all, I am severely pissed off.

For years I was berated, shoved into lockers, and given countless wet-willies, and the only thing I had to look forward to was the hope that these philistines were going to flunk out once college rolled around. With a little luck, reality would smack them in the face as they finally saw how impossible it is to survive on a mental diet of Family Guy and Harry Potter. For all those years of enduring hate-filled glares when my hand would go up after every question, I could lull myself into a dream of my high school reunion, wherein I would witness first-hand an entire generation of people who peaked at 18.

But now, the entire game has changed. For every student who works his ass off constantly to maintain his 4.0, there are 10 who can achieve a 3.6 with the help of a tiny blue pill. So I ask you, what was it all for? Looking back, I realize that I didn’t have to pour my heart into research papers. Or spend days rewriting essays. Or even take the time to make that baking soda volcano. All I had to do was chomp on some pharmaceuticals.

When you think about it, there’s no difference between taking Adderall for tests and shooting steroids for touchdowns. In what was once a level playing field where only the smart survive, it is now a system of who’s got the best pharmacist. The only real difference is, if someone catches you taking Anabolics, you’re suspended. If you’re caught with Adderall, people ask you for a dose.
Ever look around at everyone you see on a daily basis and think, "None of you get it."? Well, we here at "The Cost of Being Clever" do. We totally do.

Location: Savannah, Georgia, United States
September 2006 / November 2006 /

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